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Thanks to Chickenfish for this.
Shas'O Vior'la Kais Ka Suam Mal'caor
(Fire Commander Vior'la Skilful Strike Fire Spider)
Aka: O'Mal'caor
Commander of the Renegades of Vior'la
O'Mal'caor was second in command next to O'Shovah; he was the one who made O'Shovah turn his back on the Greater Good. I will tell you the history. Our fleet approached a barren planet that had an atmosphere that only metal could sustain, O'Shovah ordered a landing party to embark on the quest for resources on the planet, the party was composed of me (O'Mal'caor), O'Shovah, five shas'la teams, seven shas'vre (bodyguard battlesuits), two kroot squads, six shas'ui (battlesuits), one shas'ui stealth team, two kor'vesa teams, nine shas'la pathfinder teams, six devilfish transport carriers, 11 shas'ui broadside battlesuits, six hammerhead gunships and an ethereal. When we landed, I suddenly felt a strange phenomenon that has never happened to me before, straight after we got out of the orca dropships that were carrying us we saw this was no ordinary planet.
There were giant metal obelisks in the ground, a sure sign of civilizations, we decided not to make any contact with the obelisks for there was a strange sickly green light that seemed to flow out of the obelisks. We made camp one dec away from the farthest obelisk, for we did not wish to meet any more strange things. I had an eerie feeling about this place but I dared not refuse to leave. We made camp quickly for the star was setting.
That night I woke up screaming from a horrible nightmare (which I usually don't have), I was in one of the obelisks, were I saw a weapon of some sort, I thought it was a sword but I could not tell then all these metallic monsters jumped from behind me, they looked like metal skeletons and they carried weapons of immense destruction. I got into my battlesuit and opened the throttle on my jetpack to maximum and headed for one of the obelisks, somehow I knew the way but I do not know how for I have never been here. I found the obelisk in my dreams, it was the biggest of them all. It took me about two decs to find it. In the middle of the obelisks was a carved doorway with runes of mystery. I entered. I was never as much scared as now. For in front of me stood a sword, but I was very scared I don't know why. I reached to get it. I reached for it. I grabbed the hilt. I pulled the sword and it suddenly cracked in half! I picked up the pieces and put into my battlesuits carrying pouches, then I wonder what to do!
A voice sounded in my head, it was a woman's, she said "This sword is not for you, it has been destined for your commander, call him!". I had no choice but to call O'Shovah. He came here in about half a dec. When he arrived, he saw the handle, he picked it up and as if by magic, it grew to its former look! When it grew it also molded to O'Shovah's battlesuit's hand. "This weapon shall destroy all evil in the universe!" shouted O'Shovah. With that I can't remember any more for I fell unconscious. Later I learned that O'Shovah carried me back to camp were the Tau were being attacked by the same creatures from my dream.
Already all the Kroot were dead and a lot of the other Lissera was dead and only ten of the enemy was left. After the Shi O'Shovah gathered his Shas'shi and went in to an orca dropship, with that he left and I never saw him again. After a rotaa the other Tau went to see what happened, and there they found me. Unconscious. They named me the new commander. I ordered the dropships to go back to Vior'la. When we arrived I was immediately named the new commander.
The armory gave me the top battlesuit and I asked to put my blades (which I took from the temple) to be put into my battlesuit. I received new units like new bodyguards, an ethereal, some battlesuits, stealth teams, fire warriors, devilfish transport carriers, kroot squads, gun drones, pathfinders, piranhas, vespid stingwings, new broadside battlesuits, sniper drone teams, hammerhead gunships and skyray gunships. With this I went looking for O'Shovah but a freak warp storm threw is off course. Now we have become like O'Shovah, exiles but we still work for the greater good, but we cannot go to our home planet anymore.
We have fought and won all the time, If it wasn't for me O'Shovah would have not been an exile, curse those creatures, curse the Necrons! We will wipe them out, for we are the Renegades of Vior'la!
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| Comment made by Alovan17 on 21:45:00, 26 October 2007 |
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| hey guys i got an important question to ask is the new o shovah coming out or what? |
| Comment made by destroy worm on 11:32:39, 26 October 2007 |
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| i liked it |
| Comment made by Alexander on 16:42:13, 25 September 2007 |
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| God... this is a very, very good... idea. The story has many problems. |
| Comment made by TheEvilOne on 11:25:31, 18 September 2007 |
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| good idea but... i'd advise you not to become an author |
| Comment made by battlesuitguy on 12:44:12, 31 August 2007 |
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| slightly better than the other one of yours i rated chicken fish, your story telling is still unbelievably bad, and ure still rating your own work.....oh dear you dont learn do you....my rating is 5 because the idea was superb but the story...just wasnt |
| Comment made by Cal585 on 00:08:08, 7 March 2007 |
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| That's a bit harsh. But I agree that it wasn't the best story I have ever read... A little bit too technical, e.g. I didn't bother reading any of the squad listings |
| Comment made by Farsmell on 12:02:58, 23 January 2007 |
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| Brilliant ideas, but you are a terrible storyteller, and I advise you never write a book, due to your frequent misunderstandings of techniques, however, all in all, this is a brilliant theory. In fact, I may make my army into renegades of Vior'la |
| Comment made by Chicken fish on 10:11:45, 21 January 2007 |
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| I made this so I think it's pretty good. |
