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Thanks to Elvar Ingimundarson for this.
High Marshal Helbrecht stood up and called the meeting to order by hitting the conference table with his power sword (and as a result rapidly turning the table into flying splinters). "That's the third table this week" a tech priest whispered to an administorum agent. "Indeed, his table smashing fetish has already caused a 0.0007 increase in expenses for this station, that increase could have catastrophic results for the administorium budget in this sector". The agent whispered back. High Marshal Helbrecht then addressed the meeting "As you all know, this is the fifth meeting we have for the current issue which is: why do 93% of space marines die from head injuries. Can it be that the head is somehow the weak point of the space marines? As you remember from our third meeting we have discovered this is because space marines don't use their helmets. Techpriest Willan and Administorum officer Pots will now explain the steps they have taken to solve the problem". "Thank you High Marshal" the tech priest said. "Well gentlemen I am glad to announce that Pots and I have solved the problem. We have tried many different approaches and found the right one. Our test group were High Marshals Helbrecht's personal guard. As you all know space marines are issued with a helmet so we decided to put instructions for helm use in the Space marine combat manual. However this seemed to have no effect. We soon discovered that this was because the Combat manual was mainly used as toilet paper. But soon we found the solution, which was bright orange paint. Using this paint we painted the instructions:
'THIS THING GOES ON YOUR HEAD.'
on their helmets. However when we first tried this new method things turned ugly; half of the space marines put their helmets on the reverse way, and when they didn't see anything they started screaming that they were under attack by the demons of darkness. This caused a massive outbreak of panic among all the space marines and caused them to be afraid of their helmets, but we were quick to fix this by painting new instructions on the helmets, the new instructions were as following:
'THIS HELMET. HELMET GOOD. HELMET GO ON HEAD. THIS SIDE FORWARD.'
Almost all the space marines were able to follow these basic instructions. And that, gentleman, is how we solved the helmet dilemma".
I first got the idea for this short story when I was reading White Dwarf magazine issue 312. In the magazine there was an article about the Black templar chapter. In the article there were some pictures of the Black templars and it caught my attention that more than half of the models didn't have helmets. After that I started to think how stupid it is to wear some high tech power armour and not wear the helmet. The helmet dilemma was later born from those thoughts.
Elvar Ingimundarson | Iceland 07.02.2006.
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| Comment made by DanTay25 on 13:21:52, 9 July 2008 |
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| D'oh, I guess even new lines count as HTML... |
| Comment made by DanTay25 on 13:20:43, 9 July 2008 |
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| Have you seen the intro for SoulStorm? Thee are plasma shots bouncing off the Canoness' armour just inches from her face, yet miraculously none of the Tau manage a direct hit. Talk about lucky, but that's 40k for you... lol So, it seems that the highest honour possible for a Space Marine is to be entitled to leave his head vulnerable... Hey, a new house rule: Any shots against a model that does not wear a full-face helmet (excluding Monstrous Creatures and Vehicles) count as Rending. Take that, Marneus Calgar! |
| Comment made by trooperpaul on 07:29:14, 23 June 2008 |
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| i agree with dantay, insanetau, and luminorne |
| Comment made by Sau1us on 09:07:54, 19 June 2008 |
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| DanTay25, Your comment should be added to this article :-) |
| Comment made by DanTay25 on 08:04:16, 21 March 2008 |
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| Yeah- a lot of Terminator Sergeants have HUGE bulky armour and a completely vulnerabe head..."Hah! Take that, Ork scum! I'm invinci- aargh, I've got grit in my eye! *Raises his hand to wipe it out* AAAAAAAAARGH,MY EYE!!! I've got lightning claws! " |
| Comment made by insanetau on 05:50:54, 23 February 2008 |
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| that's funny. i always wondered why space marines wear helmets. but don't leaders have no helmets? |
| Comment made by darklightknight448 on 13:24:07, 5 December 2007 |
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| HAHAHAhAhAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAH!!!! |
| Comment made by luminorne on 18:49:31, 23 August 2007 |
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| haha but have you ever noticed that the leaders almost never wear helmats (leaders for SM, tau, and imperial gaurd) lol |
| Comment made by shaso kunas on 04:39:45, 17 July 2007 |
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| hilarious!!! I have always thought it was stupid how SM barely ever wear helmets |
| Comment made by Alexander on 18:17:17, 28 May 2007 |
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| Excellent! And it is true! |
| Comment made by Wingates_Hellsing on 17:30:30, 29 March 2007 |
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| Almost too funny, something ive always pked at SM players and commented on when seeing the leader of a chapter wearing the bes gear, and no helmet... |
| Comment made by Walrus man on 21:01:41, 4 February 2007 |
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| hilarious |
| Comment made by Far_Sh0t on 09:55:38, 22 October 2006 |
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| greatness |
| Comment made by thefirewarriors on 18:40:55, 25 August 2006 |
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| Hilarious! That's why i never use bare heads! |